I'm one of those people who dislikes change. I've really got a routine and I like it and I really have great disdain for changes to the daily routine. It's really a battle in my thoughts for how I'm going to react. If my thoughts are on point then usually I can roll with the changes. Here lately it seems like this is my lesson to learn..are you going to stop the war in your head and just trust in the sovereignty of the Holy Spirit or am I going to allow my selfish desires and thoughts to win out. I wish I could say more often than not I just trust but I'd be lying. I usually think most people's actions are a direct attack against me even when they're honestly just trying to see what is going on. I often have these emotional moments where I think the world is out to get me and that I'm doomed to never be anything of value.
I so desperately want to change the view that somehow I've got to get enough points racked up for God to care. I really need something to change. I'm tired of being miserable and watching everyone else have their ducks in a row. I want my ducks in a row.
So I started a bible study. .cuz where else do you go for answers but the bible.. so I'm going to blog my journey thru this in hopes that it will actually change me not through some study but really getting a hold of the heart of the Father.
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