a rant

I feel like a complete and total failure. I left everyone I knew loved me and that I loved but for what..the one thing I said I never wanted...the American dream. I so desperately didn't want to turn into that "good christian girl" with all the expectations that come along with it. I'm so hurt and deeply wounded that I don't even know what to do from here. I'm not chasing after some dream that is unattainable just want to know that I'm doing right and I haven't felt that way in a long time. I need to decide what is right for me and do no mater what anyone says and quit trying to meet everyone elses expectations of me or what they think is best. Part of me just wants to go be alone with myself and just think. I wish I could have a thus saith the lord moment and have the doors open. I thought I was someone who could hear God but aparently not..so well see what happens from here!