I just spoke prophetically in Chi Alpha tonight and I still have this overwhelming feeling to throw-up! I really do want to remember what the heck I say. I'm not in the service as respect to megan! She is speaking tonight and she said I make her nervous so I said I would help with worship and then sit outside.
I really worry about whether or not it's from God and really for the whole body and it really bugs me that in most places it happens everyone knows it's me saying it and I really wrestle with that..i so desperately don't want anyone to think that I am super spiritual or anything and sometimes i feel like when you prophesy you're really putting yourself out there in a new way.
I know most of this is retarded..but I really don't understand.. How do you know when it's God and when it's for the body. I've read the scripture but I'm lost..
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
A lot has happened since I last blogged which I don't really know why I haven't more. So, I have like a lot going good right now things are finally falling into place.
I got a job which is completely and totally out of my comfort zone. I enjoy knowing that I'm learning something so new and that this is just one more thing to make me into the person I am supposed to be.
I've officially moved! I have to go back tomorrow and clean and get a few things but other than that I'm out. I learned so much about myself through that experience and made an amazing friend but it doesn't mean that there wasn't super difficult times but i really think in those times is when the most growth happens.
I'm officially done with my surface stuff!
I really have been working through forgivenss and what forgiveness is and how you forgive the people that have hurt you the most. I realized forgivenss is letting go of the hold I have around their neck and genuinely wanting good to happen to them. I can usually let go but the wanting good is another story. I've been so deeply hurt so many times that I find it difficult to see how forgiving them actually does any good....but I'm learning it does. I really think when we have unforgiveness we actually are hurting ourselves more than the other person. I'm not saying that I have forgiven all the people that hurt me but I'm honestly working on it for the first time in my life. I feel like my heart is slowly being repaired and each time I forgive it's a little more healed and whole. This is all just my opinion but who knows.
-tiffani
I got a job which is completely and totally out of my comfort zone. I enjoy knowing that I'm learning something so new and that this is just one more thing to make me into the person I am supposed to be.
I've officially moved! I have to go back tomorrow and clean and get a few things but other than that I'm out. I learned so much about myself through that experience and made an amazing friend but it doesn't mean that there wasn't super difficult times but i really think in those times is when the most growth happens.
I'm officially done with my surface stuff!
I really have been working through forgivenss and what forgiveness is and how you forgive the people that have hurt you the most. I realized forgivenss is letting go of the hold I have around their neck and genuinely wanting good to happen to them. I can usually let go but the wanting good is another story. I've been so deeply hurt so many times that I find it difficult to see how forgiving them actually does any good....but I'm learning it does. I really think when we have unforgiveness we actually are hurting ourselves more than the other person. I'm not saying that I have forgiven all the people that hurt me but I'm honestly working on it for the first time in my life. I feel like my heart is slowly being repaired and each time I forgive it's a little more healed and whole. This is all just my opinion but who knows.
-tiffani
Monday, April 12, 2010
The more is coming later..
This is the follow up post to the post from last week! I don't know what happened but I just never went back! So here we go..
So Tuesday night I honestly didn't want to go to Chi Alpha or even really stay in this journey with Jesus and I was walking to the university from Nathan and Tiffani's and I was really telling God how it was and how I felt and basically being at titty baby about life. I remember asking God why it seemed like everyone else could have doors open for them and yet multiple doors closed for me. I even through myself a little pity party! All this to say when I walked in the student center I was almost tempted to not even stay but then I heard Melissa sing and I realized that it's during worship that things seem to change and not matter so much. So i decided that I would sit at the table and be my normal social self and worship!
I went into the room and said no matter what crap is going on in my life I truly believe that JESUS is worthy of praise so for that reason I will worship...which I did and something amazing happened...I had an encounter with the Almighty SAVIOR who actually cares enough to listen to my problems and walk with me through the fire...it's not just some fancy lyric some super Christian guy came up with! Imagine that! I ended up getting to actually see a silhouette of Jesus and heard Him ask me why I didn't trust Him! If that doesn't go deep I don't know what will...
So Tuesday night I honestly didn't want to go to Chi Alpha or even really stay in this journey with Jesus and I was walking to the university from Nathan and Tiffani's and I was really telling God how it was and how I felt and basically being at titty baby about life. I remember asking God why it seemed like everyone else could have doors open for them and yet multiple doors closed for me. I even through myself a little pity party! All this to say when I walked in the student center I was almost tempted to not even stay but then I heard Melissa sing and I realized that it's during worship that things seem to change and not matter so much. So i decided that I would sit at the table and be my normal social self and worship!
I went into the room and said no matter what crap is going on in my life I truly believe that JESUS is worthy of praise so for that reason I will worship...which I did and something amazing happened...I had an encounter with the Almighty SAVIOR who actually cares enough to listen to my problems and walk with me through the fire...it's not just some fancy lyric some super Christian guy came up with! Imagine that! I ended up getting to actually see a silhouette of Jesus and heard Him ask me why I didn't trust Him! If that doesn't go deep I don't know what will...
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The job situation!
Wow! A lot of things have happened since the last time I blogged which was only a week ago which seems crazy but it's very true. This past week has had a lot of up and downs to say the least but I don't really think I would want to live any other way! (This will make more sense later)
Last Friday, I went into the daycare I had applied to and had a conversation with the manager but not the owner and she said she would look at my application(which she ended up doing right in front of me) and talk to the owner about hiring me. So I left there Friday pretty dang excited! The possibility of job was within the owner saying it was ok to hire me, which seemed very simple! During the conversation the manager told me that she'd call me on Monday and let me know something, so at 3:30 when she hadn't called I called and got the voicemail. So I called Tuesday and actually talked to the manager who said she hadn't been able to get in contact with the owner but she would be able to talk to her at the staff meeting that night! So there was still hope. Today I called and the manager said the owner wasn't willing to let her hire but I was on the top of the stack of applications and that there was a possibility of a teacher quitting which would mean starting out full time instead of having to work up to full time so I know that there is a plan and that my Father sees my needs and will meet them! More later..which includes something amazing!
Last Friday, I went into the daycare I had applied to and had a conversation with the manager but not the owner and she said she would look at my application(which she ended up doing right in front of me) and talk to the owner about hiring me. So I left there Friday pretty dang excited! The possibility of job was within the owner saying it was ok to hire me, which seemed very simple! During the conversation the manager told me that she'd call me on Monday and let me know something, so at 3:30 when she hadn't called I called and got the voicemail. So I called Tuesday and actually talked to the manager who said she hadn't been able to get in contact with the owner but she would be able to talk to her at the staff meeting that night! So there was still hope. Today I called and the manager said the owner wasn't willing to let her hire but I was on the top of the stack of applications and that there was a possibility of a teacher quitting which would mean starting out full time instead of having to work up to full time so I know that there is a plan and that my Father sees my needs and will meet them! More later..which includes something amazing!
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