I am in an interesting place in my life right now to say the very least. I am really questioning almost every decision in my life except the fact that I am a child of the most high God.

To be perfectly honest most of my life seems to be crumbling by most peoples standards and I really don't know what keeps me going other than the fact that I know that the Lord Jesus Christ created everything and has a plan for even this time in my life and will work everything out.

I don't actually expect anyone to read this so I guess it is ok to really spill my guts.

So here is a typical thought process that goes through my head.

How did my relationship with Christ get to where it is now? What happened to being madly in love with the Creator and how do I fall back in love with Him?

I desperately need the hand of God to move in my life mostly to show all the nay-sayers in my life that I am not some super duper emotional female who is just wandering through life and really am not sure of anything anymore.

Why do I have a job at Walmart? They aren't willing to work with my schedule and yet I desperately need a job so that if nothing as a teacher opens up I still have some way of making it and i know that God opened that door for me.

Why won't my mom fight? Why is she being so lackadaisical about the situation with my brother and why isn't God listening and moving. I know He loves. So when is the craziness going to stop? I don't even want to ask for prayer anymore because people are tired of hearing about it.

I really am struggling with church and whether or not I am supposed to be there. I don't think I have remembered a single sermon and it takes every fiber of my being just to stay awake during the service and having to go to church is not a good enough reason. I want to want to go and I don't but if i leave i am going to hurt a lot of people but i graduate in december so is it worth leaving all too confusing.

I am really stuggling with many of my relationships and don't really know why.

The only thing I know for sure is I desperately need Jesus.

Sorry about the length for those crazy enough to read this