i finally feel all the way apart tonight. After what was a horrible week and what hasn't been the greatest semester it just finally all came out.. confession is so beautiful. I have attempted suicide within the last week and have had some thoughts about it..since i've been back..but tonight i finally did something about..just laid everything out on the line. The beautiful thing about the relationship i have with nathan and tiffani is that it is three way honesty. It is perfectly safe to be bold and no criticism or judgement. I know that I haven't been ok for a while but i can honestly say that i am on the way up with the help of the holy spirit.

The School YEAR!!

So i am officially back from camp and have started yet another year of school. I don't really feel particularly excited about it but i also don't feel sad either. Its part of chasing my dream so I gotta do it. I really am begining to doubt if i really want to teach in a gen. ed classroom. I really want to impact kids for the cause of Christ. This is not well done in the classroom but God uses us right where we are so i just know that I am doing what He told me to do. 

I am getting the joy of really getting an area for  children's church that I can  totally make my own! Its really exciting to see what God will do in the life of the church. I can't wait. Well now its back to hmwk! 

I know that I am supposed to be allowing God to work through all my situations and allow him to grow me but its quite difficult right now. I feel like I was put into a position that i was totally not ready for and then just fed to the dogs.
So here are the recent happenings
We lost 2 staff in my department within 24 hours one of which i was really close too and truly loved.
I cried like all day Thursday.
I feel like God definitely has a plan and is growing me and I can't wait to be back in TEXAS!!
I finally bought my plane ticket home!
I really miss all my Texas friends and people who sound like me and say things the same way.
I'm really excited about the upcoming school year and what GOD is and will do.
I can't wait to live with Carolyn all semester.
I am actually wanting more than sex out of a relationship for once in my life and don't just look at guys physical attributes to determine their attractiveness.
I want to have godly relationships with members of the opposite sex that bring glory to HIS name
The most important thing I've learned this summer so far is that everything will work together for HIS glory and the benefit of the kingdom!
I miss all of ya'll and will be back in 34 days! WOOT!

update!

so today i had a date with an older lady at camp named betha and she took me out to eat at a resturaunt and around the lake and we went to this really cool place that has old timey buildings...it was pretty awesome. I really think its awesome when people truely live out the gospel.

i'm sick! I couldn't talk for most of yesterday and today my throat hurts, i'm majorly

congested and medicine is freakin expensive. We get paid tom tho! WOOT!  

So as many of you know camp is getting quite difficult for me and I pretty much wanted to be back in Texas yesterday. It was absolutely ridiculous. We had gotten most of the prep list done before e going home and yet people still didn't get out till after nine. It really makes no sense. 

Part of the problem is the fact that we have a leader who won't step up to the plate and actually do his job. Its totally not kewl. I feel like its partially my fault as well for not being more forceful for the job.

another update! WOOT!

This week hasn't been half bad. I've learned a lot and met a lot of really kewl people. I feel sorta used though but I will get over it. I feel like I have the responsibilities of the sous chef(2nd in command) without the title. I just got yelled at for Tapawingo not going out because they are not on the island. Today is my day off..I am sooooooooooooooo excited. I really just need a day of rest and relaxation.
I really am learning a whole bunch about myself. Last night we had staff fellowship...with a really awesome band...they sound real similar to DCB. I was worshiping when I was convicted of the fact that God sent Jesus and HE died willingly for the people I don't like just as he died for me. The fact that someone used by my savior loved me in my sin shouldn't I return the same.

Prayer Requests:
1. My family- OM there is so much going on! Its crazy! My whole family needs prayer!
2.Unity in the work enviroment
3. Leadership

camp update

i have had one of the worst weeks of my life this week. It wasn't like any one thing went wrong but the whole week just kinda sucked. It started on Tuesday with the fact that my boss, Joe was off and if it could go wrong it will go wrong on his day off. I had a miserable day, nothing could be found, we didn't have a lot of things and I ended up throwing a four inch pan in anger and frustration. I really don't know what caused it other than the huge clash Owen and i have. Its like we're always trying to compete with each other, which get very wearsome. I really am going to do everything i can to stop it. I really need to learn that I don't have to prove myself and that I do know what I am doing. It is very hard though cuz I always doubt myself.

I am learning to submit to authority and realize that God puts the people there for a reason.

Prayer Requests

1. Myself: I need to learn that not everything that i think should come out of my mouth. I need to get my emotions and attitude more under control.

2. Complaining. I am a huge complainer..and what does it accomplish...absolutely nothing. I need to know the difference between complaining and asking for advice..

3. homesickness... I am getting to the point where i really miss people who talk like me and my friends back home.

God is really doing some amazing things in my life right now. Growth is almost always painful. I am so hard headed that it takes experiences to teach me anything sometimes I think.

So, this week has been horrible so far. I had an emotional breakdown. I don't really know what's wrong really other than the fact that i always feel like i have to compete with another coworker. I need to find myself in Christ not other people.
Prayer Requests:
1. My roommates family
2. my attitude and knowing when something needs to be said and when it doesn't
3. Challenge week!
4. leadership

So we got our room assignments for the summer yesterday and I actually got what we asked for. I am living with two of my friends from camp, Jen and Kayla! Its pretty exciting. We have another roomate and her name is liz. I sometimes have issues with her.

A bunch of us are going shopping today for the nessecities of life! It will be fun.

June 7, 2008

This weekend is Episcopal Weekend. It is the largest conference of the conference season. This is group of churches from the Albany area. It is like a week of camp in 4 days instead of 7. Its basically crazy. I am working in the kitchen as should be expected. I really am nervous about the summer season actually starting. It means that all my fears about working with a particular individual will truly be realized and that all the prayers of preseason will be answered one way or another. It scares me to think that I am back in the same job that made me so miserable last summer but I know that I prayed about it and I know that is where I am supposed to be. I am just hopping that something good comes from it which I know that it will because the Word of God says it will and it never returns void. I read the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers and it really changed my view on love. Its all a matter of the soul and who do you love first..which should be JESUS!

I would so marry a guy from up here and I am not even that attracted to him physically. He has the most amazing soul and it so amazing to see someone who the love of Christ just flows out of freely. I am so looking for a man like that…o please lord grant me my request.

So, in the news with my family, so far so good. Dean is going to bible school all week so he will be at my parents all week and that makes me so happy cuz I at least know he is safe. I am learning slowly to forgive me mom and realize that she is doing what needs to be done for her family maybe. I really do hope everything works out because my brother really does need a successful relationship with his father, no matter how much I dislike him.

I am excited about going to the mall sometime Monday and getting things I desperately need. My friend Jen will be back tomorrow and that makes me so excited and I’ll finally have comfy shoes for work.
My boss is a beast. He worked 15 hours today! That is absolutely crazy!

I am missing home. I miss my friends! I miss being in XA every Monday and Tuesday! I miss my friends who graduated! I love each of you.

Prayer Requests for this Week!

· Challenge Week starts June 14 –it’s a week of intense training for all the departments of camp. Pray that God will protect staff as they arrive and that each will come with open minds and willing to work!

· Roomates: Pray that God will grow the relationships of each of the roommates living in each room and that there will be accountability with each other.

· Personally: Pray for an attitude adjustment. I am honestly struggling to remain positive with all that goes on and realizing that what is said isn’t meant personally.

· Pray for my family and the summer staff’s families

Start of the blog

I am spending my summer at Camp of the Woods again and I am actually kinda of excited and nervous all at the same time. I have been here since May 10th. I am back in my same summer job as last year, working as a cook in the main cafeteria area which is called the Hill..cuz it is literally on a hill..imagine that. I am nervous because there is a guy that will be on staff again and I truly don't like him! Its the whole reason I told Steve that I didn't really want to go back on the hill again. I've met some amazing people and am excited to see what God will do over this summer. I asked a mom of two boys to mentor me this summer. It should be exciting.
This is all the more fun because I am from Texas and camp is New York!