The blood it's enough!

"You can choose how to feel" Man. I seriously hate being told this but it is so true! I went home this weekend, yes to actually where my family lives which is actually a big deal. I normally would come back from a visit feeling pretty crappy and not worth much! I prayed before I went that the normal fall wouldn't happen and that the visit would be a good thing and I was actually excited about getting to see my nephew. This isn't to say the weekend wasn't difficult because it definitely wasn't easy but I chose how to feel. I've realized I'm a grown adult who makes responsible decisions and although past sins may never be forgiven my Jesus has forgiven me and doesn't look at me as trash so I'm fine.

I got to have a really good talk with my grandma which made the whole weekend worth it. I still won't be the a typical person who goes home every holiday or anything but I really learned a lot about my own strength in who I am and who I am in Christ. THANK YOU for YOUR blood! The blood covers all sin. I actually believe that totally. There is no sin that anyone can commit that the blood of Jesus that can't be covered!

I really feel healed in some ways like I no longer feel like an object! I'm a daughter of the most high God and He looks at me not with condemnation but with peace and joy. He's my daddy.

Jesus is bigger and more awesome!

WARNING: This will not be a micro-blog!

I've been thinking a lot lately about how desperately I need Jesus. The scripture that has been coming into my head as of late has to do with how the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. I have felt all these in the last week. I've felt stolen from, by loosing all my joy and peace, I've actually contemplated my real reason for living and am I actually living in it, and the one i feel like is most used is to destroy me. I feel very destroyed. I think this is a really easy attack method for the enemy because I don't always take the word as the actual word of God which I should more often, my Jesus is way more awesome than Satan. He has to flee and leave at the name of Jesus.
How often I forget.
This week really wasn't horrible though. I got to see one of my friends from college who was very instrumental in getting me to realize that Christianity was more than a 30 second prayer but a relationship and a lifestyle. She really got me involved in a family which is amazing. I also got to see and spend a little bit of time with Tiffani's mom this weekend which was also amazing! I really do love her and she shows me so much about true love and preferring others over ourselves.

I was finally honest with how I was feeling which is always refreshing and communication really is the key to making relationships successful. Communication isn't just one sided though it's more about really edifying the body and the other person. Each one of us have our own struggles and by sharing them somehow our own personal problems don't seem so big and we see how alike we really are and that often the same tactics are used on just about everyone which shows that they can be overcome.

I need to remember my Jesus is bigger than______ (fill in the blank). He truly is bigger and way more awesome!

James 3 (The Message)
^1-2Don't be in any rush to become a teacher, my friends. Teaching is highly responsible work. Teachers are held to the strictest standards. And none of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you'd have a perfect person, in perfect control of life.

^3-5A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!

^5-6It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

^7-10This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!

^10-12My friends, this can't go on. A spring doesn't gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don't bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don't bear apples, do they? You're not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you?

If I didn't struggle with this so much I don't think that this scripture would mean so much to me.

I love the honesty and practicality of this passage and so much of it reminds me of the true higher calling I'm called to and the difficulty of living life in it. I do realize that life is so much more amazing with this call. I wouldn't change how I know Jesus has a high call on my life and therefore calls me to live life above reproach and to show the world Him.

Nothing or no one can take me from the hands of my loving father! I've been listening to this song by Rick Pino for the begining of my quiet time and it talks about being alone with your daddy and you innocence being restored. I so desperately desire for restoration that I can see differences when I have my alone time with Jesus and when I don't. It's far more important than I ever realized.

I have come to realized that who I am in Christ never changes. I'm still His daughter, He loves me through my questions and concerns. He is proud of me. He looks at me and says, that's my child. He wants good for me. He loves me enough to correct me. Repentance is beautiful!

I really have been working through who I am in Christ. Not who I think I am or what anyone else thinks but who am I when no one is looking and when it's me and Jesus!