Random Jesus Moment

As you know when I tell you something you get the whole back story so this is your warning...everything will have it's purpose eventually.

So, yesterday I was just really in this let me get things done mood and Megan and I went looking for options for the summer and are still considering those options and just really want what is best. I started watching the biggest looser because I wanted some alone time and just time to let my brain stop..isn't that what tv is for..and ended up falling asleep and being 30 minutes late for Chi Alpha and for those who don't know I LOVE worship at Chi Alpha because everyone is just so genuine and authentic so I was really bummed that I missed it. The rest of the service ended up being about building a discipleship community and the characteristics of said community which was very insightful and gave me much to think about. By the way I fell and hurt my foot which made me feel like a klutz. So I wake up this morning and my foot is throbbing and I just think great I have to go through a day with my foot hurting. I then just was quiet and began to feel better. Silence is golden. So anyway I had a pretty rough day with the kids(one of them got laundry soap in their eye) and was really struggling with my purpose for being here and how unworthy and unprepared I feel. I went to see Tiffani cuz she is my person and it really made me feel better and then I got to go see Michal as well so my day was actually turning out to be good. Then I remembered that I had no clean sheets and that I needed some to sleep on my bed. So I started asking around and everyone was busy. Then Tiffani called and told me to come eat with them...THANKS!! I walked in and Nathan and Tiffani and I got to have a really good conversation with them about the next step in my life. I really was unsure and scared at that exact moment because I realize the mutual trust required for it to work. I said I would read and pray about it..and didn't until I went to the laundry mat. I was sitting there watching my clothes wash and reading the brochure and I just asked the simple question to God of show me if this is what you want me to do. I really didn't think I would get an answer to be honest but I got so much more. I got to have an encounter with Jesus like no other in the middle of a laundry mat! I now know my next step which is very refreshing. I still need a job or a way to make some money..so keep praying!
-Tiff B

WOW! What a Week!

This past week has been EXTREMELY challenging to say the least for me personally! I really have wondered how I fit into the move of God happening on the university and community. I so desire for it to be more than a unique discipleship experience for a few but a major move in the community as whole and I really want to pay it forward, meaning I want my life to count for something in someone else's life.
I have been asked what it would take for me to allow God to break me and heal me deeply and to be honest I think I'm there. I so desperately want to be whole and not feel like humpty dumpty inside that it makes me sick! I end up hurting the people I love the most because I feel so shattered and some I'm getting a little too close for comfort which scares me but is desperately needed. I've been friends with Nathan and Tiffani for longer than anyone in my entire life so I'm scared that they will one day give up on me like so many others. I know I'm not an easy friend. I guess that I feel like I heard the same things I hear from them and those same people failed me yet I know if anyone is going to stay by their words it is them. I need to get over myself and realize that Nathan is not some horrible person from my past that will say one thing and do another as has been proven innumerable times. I really struggle with my relationships with men and how I've been so hurt and yet I literally trust Nathan more than any man on the planet.
I know I need to be more open and less wall building but that's just scary. I keep thinking about the children of Israel though, it's like they built the walls around there cities for protection yet they always seemed to be falling and I think it's really because God is our protector not our man made walls both relationally and spiritually.
I'm really struggling with the next step in my life I really want this job at a daycare in town and I also really want to be used by God in ministry. So yet again I am very torn. I just know that I'm loved and I love so until I'm told something else to do I'm going to keep doing what God told me to do last..which is stay in Commerce.

Ephesians 4:1-3

In light of all this, here's what I want you to do. While I'm locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.

This scripture is really hard to live out practically especially when there are differences between two people both of which are cared about deeply! I had an experience today at the contact table that really embodies this passage. I have a choice how to react to situations that require me to think about others rather than myself! This is humility! I really like how the message puts the scripture because it's so honest! I need to act out love! It's not always easy but require because of HIS great love and my calling which requires this type of love!

A lesson learned

Blogging is very difficult for me because I never really know how to start! So I guess I'll just get to the point! I learned a lot this weekend about myself and the way I react to falling from the way I know I should be living. I got to see my friend that was very instrumental in showing me the truth of the gospel and the love of Jesus. She has changed a lot and is not the same but neither am I and we have definitely grown apart from each other and live two very different lives. We went to a really cool place called "T-Bone Toms" in Kemah, TX. I had fun for about the first 2 hours after that though I was just done. I ate the best dang bar-b-que sandwich! I ended up not having the greatest night because I put myself in a situation where it was almost impossible to say no and completely ignored what wisdom and what my heart was telling me. I had a person who loves me dearly tell me that she wasn't 100% comfortable with the idea of me going and I should have listened. I really learned that friends like this are given to us for a reason and they are often used by God for our own safety and protection. They're kinda like our immune system when they see something that they think isn't good they start fighting and I have learned through my experience that I should listen to those people!
Also, its not a very smart idea to lie. Just tell the truth and face the consequences because the consequences of the lie are usually worse. I think most people would prefer the truth and be a little hurt than a lie and have to figure out what is true and be double hurt. Lying always causes more of a problem than a solution because the truth will always come out!

I also learned that it's really not about the fall but more about what I do after the fall that really matters.

It's a choice..stay down and wallow in self-pity or get up repent and go take the next practical step which may be something as simple as worshiping!

WOW! I really all I can say right now because I am absolutely blown away by how amazing of a God and how caring of a Father I serve. He hasn't forgotten about me and He wants my good. His kingdom is here and near! Hallelujah!!!
I realized today how simple acts of obedience are what is important. Small steps lead to big things. I just can't believe how absolutely blind I've been. It's like I let all the problems of the world cloud my vision of how big of a God I serve. It's kinda dumb! No it is dumb!
So please be praying for a door to stay open and to have favor with the employer! I really can't believe how many "no we're not hiring" I've heard and just to have an employer show interest that is in a related field as my degree it is amazing.
I also had an open door with Taco Bell. Now it's not the greatest but hey if I'm supposed to be working there for a reason then I'll do it.

Another really big thing that has been on my heart is the whole thing about every student prays, every student goes, every student gives. I've done everything but the actually going part which is the scariest! I really have been praying about giving my year and I am still not confirmed on that but hey God is big enough! I really love that fact that God is big and sees that end from the beginning!